It is not me that works, but Christ in me.

I'm amazed sometimes at how men speak on behalf of God. I hear conservatives bash the liberal media yet many christians use the same tactics. They use some meaningful scripture and give it's reference then right in the middle of a sentence say... "but God says"... I'm interested who gives a person inalienable rights to just determine what the Word of God is saying. Isn't it multifaceted? Haven't you come to a scripture you've read years ago only to find new understanding in that same scripture now? I recently saw this in a blog by a pastor... "God says if you do this... He'll do that" and the principle of obedience became law in his blog. But what of God's mercy.. does this version of 'unconditional love' apply here? Isn't this statement dripping with Legalism.. I thought God's grace was based in His unconditional love and acceptance of us. What about the Goodness of God bringing us to repentance? Sure we take the first step in Salvation but is everything after that based in OUR ability to initiate all the goodness of God or is His Mercy new every morning? His forgiveness Free? Does He withhold from us because WE haven't done something? God is My Father and he longs to give me good gifts and not withold any good thing from me...... regardless of what I can or can't do...hm. His strength is made perfect in my weakness... my inability to do anything that will move His hand. His hand moves because God is Good and Merciful and kind, not because of anything that I do.

Simplicity...

I'm sitting here at Shannon's next to the Lake at Celebration having my morning tea.... not many things in my world are as decadent as this. I find that I tend to allow my mind to wander at times off into the distance of Fantasy. Maybe it's living in the bubble here at the Truman show where everyone drives a fancy car and lives in a fancy house. I find myself allowing myself the luxury of pining for what I can't have (right now) and probably what I really don't want. I find the real problem I face when I start getting sucked into the vacuume of materialism that one outstanding quality rises to the top.... being unsatisfied. My level of life expectation begins to rise exponentially and the end result leaves me anxious and grumpy. As I work my steps I find that the most important and THE most valuable things are those that have stayed with me... relationships... mainly my relationship with Trish at the forefront.. Mark Box, Roger, Keith, Dave and Andy keep my life in both perspective and balance. If I eat right, get excercise, have a roof over my head, sleep well and kiss my wife passionately every day on the mouth... life is good and I need to recognize the amazing strength of this simple truth.

Confidence...

I used to get really anxious about walking into an office, sitting down in that chair that's about 6 inches lower than the one behind the desk and hearing the door close. I don't care if it was to discuss the price of rice in China, it always feels intimidating. Over the past few years, recognizing my co-dependent personality has helped me see the detriment of wanting to please people so much that I was willing to give up my opinions and desires and it seriously had affected my life. I am a new man though... I have strong beliefs and when I take the time to do my homework and understand what's truly at stake, I can articulate with confidence what I beleive. To also understand that I can hold fast to my beliefs even though someone is in direct disagreement with me, even if they are in a respected position or are smarter than I, it still means alot to walk away agreeing to disagree. It means I am able to hold true to what I believe or my ideals even if someone has an opposing opinion. Ideals are really the springboard of your life. It's the way you believe things are supposed to be... hm. Maybe I should have been a politician.

Ahhhh. relief.

I think back to the Cross the day Jesus died. He did something by example that I think I've come upon something special. He died. Yep... he took and took and took all the punishment He was meant to suffer and then.... his Spirit left his body. He gave so much that He forever set in motion the laws of enduring. C.S. Lewis in his book Screwtape letters described the death of Christian during the time of war in Europe. The bombs fell on his home, the smoke and fire and Pain... the pain got worse and worse and worse.... then he moved beyond the pain. Isn't that a great explanation of what death must be like. To get beyond the pain? But think about it... Christ asks us to DAILY die to self. I think when we surrender as Jesus did on the cross... we get beyond the pain much quicker. I was in significant pain this week... not getting the green or red light.. it just kept staying yellow and with it much emotional anguish. In the end the answer was No. I would rather have had a yes but No is just as good since I am able to bring this chapter of my life to a close....and I'm OK with that. In one brief conversation the relief came. All I had to do was die... and do it as quickly as I could. There... much better now.

Sunny days..

I love waking up to sunshine. I've lived in Detroit where it thunders when it snows. I've lived in the Rocky's where everyone thinks it is sooo cold, when in reality, even though we just got three feet of snow when the sun comes out the next day we're riding around in three feet of snow with our windows down and sun roofs open. I've lived in California where I love the sunshine but the water is sooo cold and untouchable.. and the texture of the land... ahhh. But here in Florida it's like we have the best of all worlds. Warm Water, soft ocean breezes, oops, no textured land... very flat. Warm weather year around. some of that weather feels like you are a lobster cooking but God bless mr Air Conditioner. Sure we have Hurricanes... I think. I've lived here for 4 years and haven't had one yet. Theoretically I believe they happen. I live a stones throw away from Disney world and I DO live in a Disney Community. I see Mickey about 3 times a month.... I absolutely love living here. I woke up again to sunshine today.... ahhhh. I think I'll just cut and paste this blog again in February... hehe.

Being smart enough to not follow what you think is obviously right...

I had a very long email conversation with a very smart and influential person this week. She lives in LA and is a very successful Voice Over Artist. You would recognize her voice in a split second because she does ALOT of movie trailers. I asked her if I had what it took to be in the business and if she thought I had what it took to make it in LA or NY? I had prepared my fragile ego and was ready for a bludeoning.... and got it. Have you ever had someone lay into you and tell you how you aren't what you need to be, you don't have what it takes and then spends time picking apart how all you've done is wrong and not good enough. Well, I'm the only one then. Seems like the toxicity level with this conversation was off the scale. So what. You know I have talent, I am gifted in so many ways if only to be gifted in being Gracious. I can graciously admit that this successful woman .... was just flat wrong. I know me and I know my work ethic and the things I do are meaningful to the adults I do it for and the children that benefit from my creative flow. If you have to be something to be at the top and you spend your life killing yourself or living in this incredible place of fear and stress.... well, what kind of life is that? I remember I was standing on the street in Beverly Hills one day and a guy in a jet black mercedes wearing a $5000 suit drove by with his window down and he was screaming at someone on the other end who I'm sure was peeing their pants. I thought to myself.. what would I do to have that car or wear that suit? What if I knew that it would turn me into that person? I walked away... got in my little toyota and smiled. Sometimes it's great to know your limitations and not be intimidated by what may appear to be a success you think you want. Choice is a beautiful thing.

How do you serve God outside of Emotions?

So I've grown up in church, yep, I'm a pew brat. In a pentecostal/Charasmatic church. My dad was the Pastor. Wow, it doesn't get more challenging than that. So you learn so many things and go through life just expecting that everyone else put up with this kind of crap their whole life. Like this girl in California who lived in her captivity for so long she finally accepted it. This was her lot in life. Wow. I'm so terrified of not realizing that I'm in a place of captivity and don't even know it. I think most people who have lived in any type of cultic situation will feel that way. Once your out of it... geesh.... how did I ever get there? So living like this for so long and trusting so much and relying on so many things to bring you comfort only to realize that your emotions were begging for something ... anything to make you feel good. I just read Time magazines special issue on the Brain and it was so cool to see that when people were in prayer in the MRI machine... their frontal cortex was just lit up! So if I were to sit down and examine my relationship with God... how much of that relationship is built on how it makes me feel? What are the 'high's' caused by? Can I say that outside of emotion does my relationship with God change dramatically or minimally? It's going to change... I just wonder how much? Do i have ANY relationships that operate in that same way? Most of my closest relationships have so little to do with emotions.... we just flow in friendship.. no matter how we feel. hm? but man, it sure feels good to feel good.